While I may hate both teams involved, the World Series this year has been some very good baseball thus far. The reality is, these teams both legitimately deserve to be there this year.

Some thoughts on the matchup so far:

• A split has to be something the Phillies were hoping for. Obviously 2-0 would be better for them, but with the series tied and heading to Philly, there's a slight edge there.

• What the hell is wrong with Derek Jeter? That play where he bunted for a strikeout with two on and no outs and the Yankees up two...WHY?! Something is all wrong here, and depending on where the call came from Joe Girardi or Jeter need an explanation for that one.

• Despite my hatred of both teams, I've found a way to spin this optimistically. Whereas either team's success will make me sad, the failure of the other team will make me happy. If the Phillies win, it'll be hilarious that the Yankees spent all that money, finally made it to the World Series, and lost. It's not quite 18-1, but it's close. If the Yankees win...well, a team from Philly lost, and I don't usually have a problem with that.

• Ryan Howard has been pretty quiet so far. Only two singles and three strikeouts. Big guy needs to pick up his game. Though he did steal a base, which is hilarious. Yes, I know he stole eight in the regular season. All of them were hilarious.

• A-Rod's postseason success is not a recent phenomenon. Possibly more on that in a later post, but I've posted about it here ad nauseum before, so maybe not.

• Where's all the steroid talk? As Fire Jerry Manuel said on Twitter:

baseball people usually complain about how NFL steroid usage gets glossed over. well, look at pettitte/arod right now. loud silence.

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Tonight, if the rain lets up, the World Series will begin between the Phillies and the Yankees. While on paper this seems like a great match up featuring the teams that have been the best in their respective leagues all season, I'm completely uninterested. At the risk of sounding like a whiny blogger, this is not a World Series that captivates my interest.

Perhaps it's the story, or lack there of, while A-Rod's rise from a playoff failure to a playoff juggernaut has been interesting, I honestly can't get into it. This is a series between the Yankees and Phillies, two teams with storied traditions and fan bases known for being jackasses, albeit in two completely separate ways. There's no one to root for here, well besides God, who I hope sends a multiple plagues down upon the stadium until both teams are eliminated. Usually, in a situation like this I cheer for the team that I think has a more deserving fan base, but alas, we're stuck with the eventual champion's fan base being composed of jackasses with a championship to brag about.

Another part of my disinterest in this series is the timing. Game 5 of last year's World Series was on October 27th and due to rain finished on the 29th. It wrapped up just as the NBA was starting. Literally, I flipped the channel from the World Series to the Pacers' season opener. The timing was great.

This year on the other hand, we're just now entering the World Series. The NBA season has begun, now with the Pacers and the NHL to distract me, why would I want to watch a series between two teams I hate? Had this series begun at the same time last year's did, I'd probably be interested in watching two great teams play each other, even if I did hate them, out of a love for the game. Yet with this year's timing, there's too much going on for me to really be captivated.

That's been my main problem with the playoffs this season. The series are split up with too many off days and it kills a lot of the drama/momentum that the playoffs bring with them. Baseball is played all summer on back to back days, yet when fall rolls around it apparently becomes a sport that must have one to two days off in between each game and half of a week off before beginning the next series. I much rather be on the edge of my seat for two weeks than lulled to sleep by a disjointed playoff system that kills the drama of it all.

For the fans of the Phillies and Yankees, enjoy the moment. Try not to wreck your city when you win/lose.

As for me, I'm really pulling for plagues in this one.

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Recently I came across a video series on ESPN.com entitled, "The State of Play." In this series NHL analysts Scott Burnside and Pierre LeBrun sit down with Scott Gomez, Mike Komisarek, Paul Martin and Paul Stastny to discuss a wide variety of topics.

Since all the players are both NHLers and members of team USA the questions shift back and forth between NHL-based questions and ones concerning the upcoming Winter Olympics in Vancouver.

I know to most hockey fans there's an immediate apprehension to even clicking on this due to ESPN's coverage of hockey, but it's actually worth a watch. I'm not saying you should get your popcorn ready and sit down for what is, with advertising before every video, around 40 minutes of interview video. Yet, if you're a hockey fan, an American or one interested in their national team and looking for something to do, it's worth filling your time. I'll give it three out of five yeahhhh boyeeeees for shits and giggles.

The videos can be viewed here.

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It seems like everyone everywhere is talking about officiating in sports these days. Every baseball fan has had a conversation about how bad the officiating has been in the playoffs. Pat has a post about a replay system he thinks would work in baseball without disrupting the game. Dutch from Post Game Heroes has a post discussing officiating as one of the most important factors in sports.

Interest in officiating has risen steadily since the Tim Donaghy scandal was making the rounds. That was probably the moment that people realized just how important the officiating is to deciding the outcome of a game.

As a guy who rarely criticises officials, even I admit they're far from perfect. Unless we replace all officials with robots, there will always be mistakes when calling a game. But when bad officiating swings a game, there's a problem.

I'm not sure what can or will be done. I have absolutely none of those answers. But I'm glad that this is at least a topic being discussed now. Perhaps this will lead to reforms in sports. Perhaps the only thing it will lead to is new stats based on officiating. Perhaps it will lead to nothing. But at least we're headed in the right direction.

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For those that don't know, Steve Phillips - the former Mets GM and current ESPN analyst - has been caught in a love affair with an ESPN employee. Perhaps outed is a better phrase. His mistress went public with the affair and felt the need to inform the New York Post in an exclusive deal.

Normally we would not remark on a story such as this as I try to respect the privacy of personal lives and this blog is about sports, not personal lives (unless it's a really positive story). This is the exception to that practice as I am a divorce kid and I know what it does to a family.

While my disgust should be directed at Steve Phillips, I find myself harboring just as much, if not more, towards his mistress for the way she has handled everything. There is something inherently wrong in selling a story like this to a newspaper.

If you haven't read the letter she sent to Mrs. Philips and then decided to share with the New York Post, read it before you continue.

Look, Ice Queen, it's bad enough that you engaged in an affair with a man that you knew was married, but it's worse when you write a vengeful letter to that man's wife and send it to a newspaper.

Let's just break this down.

I'm not just some random girl he had sex with in parking lots.

That's really fucking classy right there. Written like a true idiot. Is this a common occurrence? Have there been multiple times in your life where you've just gotten your fuck on with random dudes in parking lots?

I care about him a lot and I've been asking him to come clean to you about everything, from when we first slept together in St. Louis in his hotel suite (where he assured me I wouldn't have to worry about getting pregnant since his vasectomy)

This is called the too much information portion of this letter. First, you don't need to inform the spouse about when you first slept together. Perhaps when it started, but not in these terms. This just seems like an intentional jab at the wife. Also, the part in parenthesis is completely unneeded, although it appears pretty obvious from this sentence that you were not intending for Mrs. Phillips to be the only reader. The plan to go public was there from the start. This sentence was written to embarrass him. Mrs. Phillips already knows he had vasectomy, so you're either aiming to shame him or you missed the English class where they explain how to leave out unnecessary information.

Then comes the section where she explains the conversations that they engaged in about Steve's kids and their relationships with each other. I get that you're trying to illustrate that your relationship was more than just fucking, but given that this letter was intended to go public, it really could have been left out. Why bring the children into this? They're innocent bystanders, or better yet, why take a private matter public? Oh that's right, you're a stupid 22 year old girl who is engaging in an extramarital affair with a man on TV! You've really made it! Time to cash in for your only shot at 15 minutes of fame!

I was raised Catholic too and while I know our faith dissuades divorce, it also respects it with regards to infidelity because people should have the opportunity to be with whomever makes them happy and can give them what they need.

I am a Catholic who is also a theology student. Either she has a really liberal interpretation of Catholic doctrine or she's a fucking idiot. I'm going with the latter. God wants you to enjoy life, but not be a fucking adulterous ass in the process while using "I just want to be happy!" as the backbone of your argument.

...to top it off Steve has a big birthmark on his crotch right above his penis and one on his left inner thigh, so you know I'm not being fake.

This was done to embarrass Steve Phillips. I get why it was done, but again, she intended for this to go public.

Now as for the claims that he's in a loveless marriage, apparently the mistress has fallen for the oldest line in the book. Seriously, every dude engaging in a relationship like that claims that. Also the statement about her being in love with him and that she makes him happier than his wife is a low blow. I do not care if she claims that she's not trying to hurt Mrs. Phillips, that's bullshit, it was meant to hurt and I'm sure it hit its mark. The mistress was trying to mark her territory and wave her relationship in Mrs. Phillips face.

As I mentioned in the opening of this post, I'm a divorce kid. I know what it does to a family, I know how it hurts. By sending that letter to the New York Post, the mistress showed complete disregard for the feelings to Steve Phillips' wife and children. She acted in self interest to cash in on some fame, and at the expense of the feelings and personal lives of the Phillips family. Honestly imagine how it must feel to the children, imagine trying to go through that.

This is not to say that Steve is absolved from his sins here. He's a piece of shit as well. Hell maybe he should run off with his mistress. He has cheated on his wife not once, but twice! Well, that we know of. It's bad enough that a family has to endure this one time, but the fact that this is the second time is horrible. Steve Phillips is at a level below excrement for doing this to his family.

Sure the Post is at fault for publishing filth like this, but what do you expect? There's probably a reason why the newspaper industry is dying. They're trying to sell papers like a broke crackhead tries to get his next fix...any way possible.

Finally on the topic of love and apparently how the mistress makes Steve happier than his wife does, I can assure you that the mistress has no sense of love with the exception of self-love. She's a 22 year old girl who has been engaging in an affair and apparently cares so deeply about the Phillips' family that she's willing to do something completely self-serving to prove it.

I'm 22, I study a religion dedicated to the concept of love, I'm in a committed relationship that is entering its fourth year. I still don't have a full grasp on what love really is. I have friends that are married and claim that they are still learning about love. This mistress has no idea what love is. I know enough about love to know that.

Love doesn't show complete disregard for the feelings of others. She has only acted in self-interest and it's disgusting. Cash in on your fame, I assure you it's fleeting.

One final thought. Steve, you're a pretty handsome dude, you couldn't do better than her? Raise your standards or be a man and respect the feelings of your family.

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So, there's this video making the round on the internet that appears to show Mariano Rivera preparing a spitball in game 3 of the ALCS. Since spitballs are illegal, this has become all the rage lately.

For those you you living in a cave, here's the video:



Now, a few things must be addressed here.

First, was that a spitball? It certainly appears that way.

Second, did the spit actually land on the ball? It looks like it to me, but there are some people out there with DVRs and HDTVs that zoomed in and say no.

Third, if this is a spitball does it invalidate everything Mariano Rivera has ever accomplished?

I say no, for one reason. I find it incredibly doubtful that Rivera would be so ignorant of MLB rules. I mean, if that's a spitball, he didn't even try to hide it. He just blatantly spat on the ball. Not even a lick of the fingers or anything. There's no way he does that before every pitch.

For MLB's part, they say they've reviewed the film and that there's no evidence Rivera actually spat on the ball. Therefore, no disciplinary action has been taken.

Regardless, there's now a contingent of fans - right or wrong - that are going to see Mariano Rivera as a tainted player, similar to all the players who have used steroids.

Do you still think any starter in MLB is beyond suspicion of cheating?

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Click Here to Listen to This Episode.

In this episode we discuss H1N1, the MLB Playoffs, the defeated and undefeated in the NFL, along with the best logos in NFL history.

As always, feedback is appreciated.

This podcast is available for download through iTunes and Zune Marketplace.

And for those of you who would like to subscribe, the RSS feed is here.

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Instead of writing a weekly series about Why I Love Hockey, like I did earlier this summer with baseball, I think I'm going to limit myself to one self-indulgent post.

Puck Daddy has been doing this fantastic series on their blog called, "5 Reasons I Love Hockey." Since I know we'll never get asked, I figured I'd make my own list to share. Hopefully they will not be upset by this and if you want to share your list, feel free to leave it in the comments.

1. Hockey Sweaters.
Readers of this blog know I love uniform aesthetics. When it comes to my personal tastes, nothing beats a hockey sweater. Seriously, even some of the so-so ones are better than the best unis in other sports. It's just something about the tradition of it all, how they haven't changed a whole lot in look over time. Yes, I know RBK did ruin a bit of that a few years ago with the Edge jerseys, but they still reign supreme in my mind when it comes to sports apparel. It's why I have a collection of them.

2. The Stanley Cup.
Try to name the championship trophies from the other major professional leagues in North America. Unless you really pay attention, you probably can't. Yet almost everyone, regardless if you like hockey or not, can name the Stanley Cup. There is something to love about a trophy that spends a day with every member of the team that wins it. Also if you win it, your name is emblazoned on the side of it forever (or at least until that band is removed.)

3. A clean hit, especially in open ice.
Everything about a solid hit is awesome. The sound, the collision, the crowd's reaction. Everything.

4. The Stanley Cup Playoffs and all the traditions that come with them.
There isn't a better time of year for hockey fans. The playoffs come with so much excitement and drama, along with tradition.

I love the handshake line after every series. For 4 to 7 games these men destroy each other and try desperately to beat each other. Yet when all is said and done, they shake hands and congratulate each other. There is something uniquely awesome about that moment.

The tradition of the team captain not touching the conference champions trophy because it's considered bad luck. This isn't the trophy they want. They want the cup and you don't touch it until you win it.

Finally, the playoff beards. Seriously, how much more manly can you get? Players are already playing with broken bones AND they have beards? Excellent.

5. The flow of the game.
It's just something about the way the game moves. The flow of everything. The movement of players on skates, the way the puck glides. No sport can copy what hockey has and fast-paced movement in which everyone seems to know their role within a split second turns the game into poetry in motion, the ice is their canvas, their play the pen.

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Steelers WR Mike Wallace - the team's third round selection in the 2009 NFL Draft - is having by far the best rookie year of any receiver from the current draft class.

The speedy Wallace has caught at least two passes in every game he's played this season, averaging 48.5 yards per game and 15.4 per catch. He had a 100 yard game against the Cincinnatti Bengals, and added his first NFL TD against the Detroit Lions in week five.

Rated the 14th best receiver by most experts going into the draft, Wallace has more receptions so far than all of his draft mates. He has been so solid this season that the Steelers have officially moved him to the No. 3 receiver slot ahead of 2008 second rounder Limas Sweed and free agent acquisition Shaun McDonald.

I'm officially using this time to declare Wallace one of the rookie players to watch this year, and I may even recommend you fantasy football players out there who are hurting for receiver depth to give Wallace a look.

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Sad announcement, folks: we're going to have to push back the podcast that would normally be out this week to next week.

The reason for this unfortunate development is twofold: one, Peter has the flu and isn't feeling well enough to do the podcast. Two, it's my turn to edit, and I'm going to be without internet access on Monday, the normal editing day.

Thus, rather than put out an inferior product, we've decided to delay the podcast for a week.

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Well, that was probably the craziest one-game playoff ever.

First thing's first: for all the criticism this game got for not being on prime time TV (including from myself), it may be a good thing that it wasn't. How many people would have stuck around for the conclusion if that game started at 8 and ended past midnight?

At any rate, the Twins pulled out a victory over the Detroit Tigers, claiming the AL Central in the process. I'll be rooting for the Twins in this year's postseason, for no reason other than the fact that I like small market teams and Joe Mauer.

Also, big congratulations to Alexi Casilla. It has to feel good to come off the bench and hit a walk-off to win the game for your team. Especially when you were hitting below the Mendoza line all season before that moment.

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Dear Tampa Bay Rays,

Thanks.

Although the season did not end in the manner I had hoped, I would like to extend a thank you for the efforts you put forth this season. Thanks for the countless hours of entertainment that you provided me with that allowed me to forget my troubles and the temperature outside. Thank you for an amazing 9-game home stand in mid-August that allowed a son to bond with his father over a great set of games. Thank you for the great games, improbable rises to stardom and a perfect setting for conversation.

I shall miss you, but Opening Day is only six months away.

Sincerely,
Peter Evans

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For those of you who enjoy the Pirates coverage provided by myself on this site (a surprisingly large number of our readership, based on the e-mails and tweets we receive,) I'm now writing along with Nick DeWitt about the Bucs on a separate blog, Pirates Public.

Pirates Public is part of the new FanHuddle sports blog network. There are blogs there for all major sports teams, as well as college teams and non-major US sports. The main address is www.fanhuddle.com. I'm excited to be working for them.

For those of you who want to read my Pirates coverage, the link to my blog there is http://fanhuddle.com/pittsburghpirates/

What does this mean for SFSI? Well, the posts I write here are likely to be more general in coverage. I tended to focus heavily on the Bucs when I wrote about baseball because they were the team I knew the most about. Now that I have another outlet to write about Pirates related news that, presumably, people who aren't fans of the team wouldn't care about, I'll be able to focus my energy here on different things.

Please note that the blog there, as well as the site overall, is still under development. The overall look will remain similar to the way it does now, but smaller things like the site banner and blogroll are likely to change in the near future.

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Today's sports story comes from an unlikely domain on the internet: The Friendly Atheist, a blog by Hemant Mehta. As you can guess by the title, this blog isn't a sports blog, but a blog related to (usually political) secular issues. I enjoy the work Hemant does there, but this article on an awesome call Seattle Mariners commentator Mike Blowers made doesn't jive with me.

For those of you who may not have seen or heard about the call, the clip (which is the same one Hemant uses on his blog) is below:

http://www.youtube.com/v/b494dinhd4Y

Totally a lucky call, and judging by the laughs Blowers was getting from his boothmates, probably not the type of call he makes very often. But despite the luck, pretty awesome, right?

Well, not according to Mr. Mehta.

Let's take a look at his rationale and debunk his debunking.

1) He would hit his first major-league home run that day…

Not an unusual prediction to make for a promising rookie. I do wonder if Blowers ever made this prediction anytime before… but let’s give him credit here.

He’s 1 for 1.

I'd also be interested to know if Blowers had ever made that prediction about Tuiasosopo before, because it makes it less impressive if he has. And I'll even agree that it's not exactly uncommon for a commentator to predict a home run for a rookie. Still, it DID happen on the day Blowers called it, so I'm going to agree with the 1-for-1 score here.

2) … off of pitcher Brian Tallet…

Well, Tallet was the starting pitcher. It doesn’t take a baseball expert to know Taller will be pitching for most of the game, barring a really bad day. Blowers doesn’t get credit for this.

He’s 1 for 2.

True, but Blowers also predicted that it would be during Tuiasosopo's second at-bat. Converted reliever Brian Tallet has kind of sucked this year, and his average start length is 4 1/3 innings. Tuiasosopo, batting 8th in the lineup, didn't get his second at-bat until the fifth inning, meaning it was probable Tallet wouldn't have even been in the game at that point.

Also, it happened and Blowers predicted it would. So, I'm going 2-for-2 here.

3) … during his second at-bat of the game…

A nice, specific prediction, right? Not really. There’s a good reason he made that particular call. Blowers said, “I thought he would take some pitches in his first at-bat, because he’s a rookie.”

Indeed, players are less likely to swing early in the game so they can see more pitches, get a feel for the pitcher’s style, and take advantage of it all later.

He’s 1 for 3. (Though this one is arguable.)

Sure. And Blowers, like many fans, knows this kind of thing about baseball. Never did he claim he was a psychic...he's just using the knowledge associated with his occupation to help guide him in a prediction. Nothing wrong with that.

Hemant says it's arguable, and I'm going to argue it. Blowers predicted it would happen, and it did. 3-for-3.

4) … on a 3-1 count…

Blowers gets no credit for this one. Typically, a pitcher will make difficult pitches early in the count to see if anything works against the batter. But if the batter doesn’t swing, a 3-1 count (3 balls and 1 strike) isn’t out of the question. Not only that, but pitcher Tallet was known to be “a little wild” according to Blowers himself. That is to say, he’d work himself into a 3-1 count more often than other pitchers.

When the count gets to 3-1, a batter can expect to see something hittable. You can assume pitchers don’t want to walk a player with a 4th ball, so they try to throw something in the strike zone. Indeed, a 3-1 count is known as a “hitter’s count.”

He’s 1 for 4.

This is all true, but it precludes the idea that Tallet would get the count to 3-1. Against a young rookie, no less. The exact type of person most likely to swing at a ball outside the strike zone. Blowers was predicting not only wildness from Tallet, but discipline from Tuiasosopo. And again, yes, this isn't a shot in the dark - he's using his knowledge of the game - but again, so what?

If it were already a 3-1 count and THEN Blowers said "I smell a home run," yeah, it would be less impressive, because Tuiasosopo is already looking at a hitter's count. But he predicted before it happened that Tuiasosopo would be in that position in the first place and THEN hit a home run.

4-for-4.

5) … it would be a fastball…

On a 3-1 pitch, one would expect to see a fastball. As stated a little bit ago, the pitcher doesn’t want to walk the batter. He’s not going throw a curveball or a slider that could get away from the plate. A fastball has the best chance of fooling the batter… in fact, the commentators even say right before the pitch “It’s going to be a fastball.”

The upside to this for the batter is that he knows what’s coming and he prepares to swing fast and hard at the ball. I don’t have the stats in front of me, but I would suspect the number of home-runs hit on 3-1 fastballs are higher than you would find for just about all other pitches and counts.

He’s 1 for 5.

All true, and again, so what? Blowers knows things about baseball. That's his job. The thing that's cool about this is that each of these predictions separately are mundane, but when put together make up a very specific prediction that happened. The odds against Blowers are huge.

Hemant's fallacy here is again in assuming that Tuiasosopo was already in a 3-1 count when this prediction was made.

The prediction so far is actually 4 predictions rolled into one: Tuiasosopo is going into his second at-bat, he's going to work the count to 3-1, which will force Tallet to throw a fastball, which Tuiasosopo will then hit for a homer. Several of these steps are based on knowledge of baseball itself rather than, say, psychic ability, but again, Blowers never claimed psychic ability. Why is it not impressive that his knowledge about baseball could lead him to form a domino-effect prediction that then by mostly luck and part skill happens?

5-for-5.

6) … and the ball would land in the second deck of the Blue Jays’ stadium…

This one just didn’t happen. Rachel Maddow was actually wrong in the clip above when she said Blowers nailed every prediction.

He’s 1 for 6.

OK, that part is true. No disputing that.

5-for-6.

7) … in left center field.

Tuiasosopo is a right-handed batter. Most of his balls are going to be hit toward the left side of the field. Blowers doesn’t get credit for pointing out the obvious.

He’s 1 for 7.

According to the hit data on Baseball Reference, most of Tuiasosopo's batted balls this year have gone either up the middle or to right field. He's actually not a pull hitter. Conventional baseball knowledge would suggest Hemant is right here, and may have led Blowers to make the into left field prediction, but in the case of Tuiasosopo it's actually less likely for that to happen.

6-for-7.

Of course, I don't think Blowers has any type of divine powers or anything like that. Knowledge of baseball combined with a whole lot of luck is what led to this event happening. But it's still pretty cool, and there's no need to rain on the parade.

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So that wonderful time of the year is upon us again. Hockey once again returns and gives my life meaning...well meaning since my favorite MLB team eliminated themselves from playoff contention.

This post is for two groups of people:
1) People just coming around to the NHL/hockey this year.
2) NHL fans that will treat all of this as one gigantic inside joke.

Yet I don't really need to address group #2 in this post, so #1, this is all directed at you.

Now maybe the fantastic Stanley Cup Playoffs last year sparked an interest in the game, or perhaps you just decided was a great time to start liking hockey. Regardless of how you reached this decision, congrats on learning to appreciate the best sport ever invented.

Let's start with some basics that every Hockey/NHL fan knows:

-Gary Bettman (NHL Commissioner) sucks. Seriously, the man thinks of new and interesting ways to fuck up the NHL on a daily basis. Laser pucks, teams in regions without ice, and generally being the worst thing that's ever happened to hockey. He tries to grow hockey's fan base while neglecting the basic desires of every existing fan. So remember when you hear that name it's time to engage full hate mode.

-Nothing is better than Playoff Overtime. In the regular season overtime is a short 5 minute, 4 v. 4 period, followed by a shootout. I hate shootouts, but I understand others apparently like them. Regardless of what those idiots think, overtime in the playoffs is what happens when God comes down to Earth and graces us with a preview of Heaven. Full 20 minute overtimes that keep happening until someone scores. No sport can beat that. The drama of those OTs is insane, especially if it's a game 7 OT.

We're the champions of determining who wins...well in the playoffs at least. Yet, I do understand why the need to find a winner quickly is necessary in the regular season. "Sorry, Vancouver isn't going to make it to the game tonight. They're in the 10th OT in St. Louis."

-We have the best trophy ever. Enough Said.

So as I know by just watching our game, you're convinced, this is the best sport ever. Well...better late than never I suppose. You're going to need a team. We're here to help you pick one.

The Homer Rule
This is basic. Does your local metro area have an NHL team?

If the answer to that question is yes, congratulations! You're the proud fan of that team. You are not allowed to search for a different team. You must support the one you have. Don't be that guy. That guy is a douche.

For those of you not as fortunate, let's move on to other ways of determining a favorite team.

Region
Perhaps you're one to want to watch your favorite team play several times a season and are willing to drive several hours to accomplish this feat. Well then a regional franchise seems like the best way to meet this need.

Luckly for you, most of the populated portions in North America have teams within a reasonable driving distance from them. Even you Montana, even you (look north). So simply type in the name of your town in Google maps and then type in the cities of nearby NHL cities. Take the closest ones and choose from them.

Family/Friend/Significant Other
If there's a hockey fan in your life, maybe their team should also be your team. I can't think of a better way to bond than through hockey. Or perhaps you guys are really into that love/hate thing. If that's the case, I'd suggest finding out who their rival is and cheering for them.

Alright, so if you're still without a team at this point it is safe to assume that you apparently live in Bumblefuck with no family and 0 friends. Well we'll pretend we're friends today so I can help assist you in finding a team. Just don't get too close to me, you have an odd odor about you.

Let's go division by division, team by team.

Atlantic Division
New Jersey Devils
The Devils are for some reason a team that a lot of people coming in to NHL fandom pick. I'm not really sure why. Perhaps it's the hastily drawn 80's logo they still use, or the fact that it's super bad ass to have Satan as your mascot. Yet they never did capitalize on the PR glory that would have been signing Miroslav Satan. Although I must admit, it is pretty awesome that their fan base is known as the Legion. If you don't understand why, you should probably read you Bible some time, sinner.

New York Islanders
A team with a strong history. For proof of that one has to look no further than their stadium, as it's showing its age. Nassau Memorial Coliseum is the third oldest arena in the league and it is the smallest in capacity. The owner of the Islanders, Charles Wang is currently trying to renovate the building as part of a massive community overhaul that will turn the area around the stadium into a nice suburban area. Yet if the city does not approve the zoning by the first game of the season, Wang will seek a new place for his team to play.

I know this isn't comical, but I'll tell you something that is, the city's response. "We don't give Mr. Wang deadlines on bringing the Stanley Cup back to Long Island, and we don't respond to developers' timetables for zoning decisions." That's called being an ass, and I approve of that remark.

So how about this, if you want a team that might or might not play in New York in the next 5 years, pick them. If you want something with a little less drama, look elsewhere.

New York Rangers
Want to cheer for a well loved New York City team, but don't want to be bothered by massive success? Well the Rangers are your team! Although, I must admit the Rangers have the often imitated, but never duplicated sweater which is among the top in the NHL.

Philadelphia Flyers
Do you enjoy booing at anything with a pulse? How about consistently going far into the playoffs, only to see your efforts be a fruitless venture? If your hate of everything is nearing critical mass, then Philly is really a city you should be interested in.

Pittsburgh Penguins
No. You cannot join this fan base, I'm sorry. We have enough Pittsburghers spread out all over this country to cover it and they just won the Cup. You're a bandwagoner if you start cheering now. Go find another team.

Northeast Division
Boston Bruins
I really don't have anything to say that's negative about the Bruins, unless of course you believe that inhabiting a racist city in which no one understands how to fucking drive is a bad thing. The Bruins are one of the Original Six clubs and gave us the great Bobby Orr.

Buffalo Sabres
Imagine a word where a team creates one of the greatest logos in sports history and then decides that they need to replace it with a new emblem and color scheme that weren't all that bad. This team then chooses to tempt their fan base by returning to the original colors, only go away from the good symbols by creating something that looks like a mixture between a slug and a buffalo. Unbelievable right? Nope.

Congrats Buffalo! We now understand why the majority of the population that isn't in a pit of despair wants to leave. Also, nice job trying to cover up your mistakes.

Montreal Canadiens
Ahh...the Yankees of hockey. If you want a lot of pretentious history along with large amounts of hardware, then you must submit to the Canadiens. Remember though you're dealing with French Canadians. I'll just stick with Craig Ferguson's impression on this one, (French Accent) "I hate you...but I am sorry."

Ottawa Senators
I love the NHL because it forces Americans to learn things about other countries. Sure, it's mainly just Canada and how to pronounce Eastern European/Scandinavian last names, but it's a start. Ottawa is Canada's capital, weird right? I know, I who knew a bunch of Mounties, hockey players and lumberjacks needed a government? One would think they would be able to exist in some sort of anarcho-syndicalism or something, but whatever, we have more guns.

Regardless of those I've just offended, the Sens are a team that understands history. So much so that when they were granted an expansion franchise into the NHL, they took the name from the old franchise that played in the league from 1917–1934. Apparently that's all they talked about since the old one left town, so they just used the old name.

Finally, get rid of this monstrosity and adopt this as your third sweater.

Toronto Maple Leafs
Toronto is a lovely city with a passionate love of the game. Too bad their front office is apparently operated by a bunch of chimps at typewriters. Idiots aside, they are also an Original Six franchise that is currently the most valuable in the league. I wonder if that has to do with the fact they service a community of over 8 million people. Based solely on their gigantic fan base, you should look elsewhere. We have enough Leafs' fans.

Southeast Division
A special note about the Southeast division: We should rename this the Gary Bettman Memorial Division after we stage some sort of a military coup to get the league back. He's responsible for the existence of all the teams in this division except for the Capitals.

Atlanta Thrashers
Not from the ATL? No problem! Neither is the majority of the people that now dwell there. So your transplanted love for the Thrashers will not look too out of place since all of the love is transplanted like some botched surgery performed by some hack doctor.

It's sort of shocking that Atlanta got another team considering how well the first NHL in Atlanta experiment went. Although I will say that the five people that consistently show up to games really love their Thrashers and apparently believe that the eyes are evil and need to be punished.

Carolina Hurricanes
The Hurricanes are the biggest "fuck you" statement to all of the haters of hockey in the south. When the Canes moved to Raleigh, NC from Hartford, CT, people said that this was a failed experiment and hockey would never catch on in the Triangle Region. Well they were wrong. Not only is the team still there, but hockey is flourishing in that part of the country. "Caniac Nation" is quickly growing into one of the strongest US fan bases in the league.

I have nothing negative to report about this team, great logo, great fans and a great tradition is starting in Carolina. Although you guys are kind of assholes for stealing Coach Cowher.

Florida Panthers
When you think Miami, you think hockey. At least I know I do. Gone are the days of Panthers' fans throwing rubber rats on the ice after goals, now they are replaced with an empty arena and grumblings from hockey purists to do away with the team.

If you like being jerked around into believing that you're going to make the playoffs only to miss it by a few points, then Florida is the team of your dreams!

Tampa Bay Lightning
Remember when Tampa was an amazing team and people flocked in droves to see them? Yeah, not so much anymore. Vinny Lecavalier and Martin St. Louis are still there, but it just isn't the same in Hockey Bay, USA. I must admit that Hockey Bay, USA is probably my second favorite marketing idea behind what they do in Minnesota.

Tampa has a pretty strong fan base, the same can't be said for the ownership (I've heard it changes weekly now!). Pretty much there isn't much to hate about this team except for this. It's a nice sweater, but get rid of the nickname of a nickname on the uni idea. It sucks.

Washington Capitals
Want to jump on a bandwagon and be noticed for doing so? Then the Capitals are your team! Considering the fact no one outside of Virgina, Maryland and D.C. cares about teams in our nation's capital, your Ovechkin sweater is going to look a little strange in Middleofnowhere, IA. Look, if you become a Capitals fan we're all going to know why you chose them, you want a winner now. Too bad you don't realize what happens when this team makes the playoffs, but hell, suffering makes fandom genuine. Just ask a Maple Leafs fan.

Central Division
Chicago Blackhawks
Do you love awesome things? Then you must become a Hawks fan. Do you enjoy the best emblem in professional sports? Do you love tradition? Do you hate Detroit?

If the answers to those questions were yes, then welcome to the good guys.

Sure, I'm biased, but have you looked at the header for this blog? I'm honest about being biased.

Columbus Blue Jackets
The Jackets haven't had much success in their short existence. Last year they made the playoffs for the first time in franchise history, only to get obliterated by the Red Wings in the opening round. The Jackets also have the distinction of being the only team in professional sports to have a Civil War themed name. As someone who loves American history, that's a rather cool distinction. With a growing fan base and a team just starting to form its own traditions, perhaps this is the team for you.

Make sure you get used to losing though. You're in a division with the Red Wings and the Blackhawks.

Detroit Red Wings
I'll try to be civil.

Do you like burning crap heaps that are somehow referred to as cities? A place so bad that urban redevelopment is just a word used to spin the citizens' constant attempts to burn the city to the ground? A city that is so horrible its major export is crime? You know a place is bad when people actually jump the border to commit crimes.

Yes, the Wings have tradition and are the benefactors of a great front office, but let's just think about this. Do you really want to be a fan of a team from Detroit?

Nashville Predators
Nashville has consistently proven one thing time and time again. If you're not football, you're going to fail.

The Predators have been a struggling franchise ever since their inception. Little interest, small crowds, bad records and even ownership problems. This team still some how remains in Nashville, a city that apparently isn't that interested in them.

If you like teams with logos obvious designed for kids and absolutely no respect from their city, then the Preds seem like a fine choice.

St. Louis Blues
I know I just wrote about how the Predators do not get any respect, but if you want to mention a team that gets no respect, it is the Blues. I was in St. Louis a few months ago and I walked around some stores looking for Blues merchandise. It took me six stores to find anything, and what I found was generic and hidden back in a corner. I know the Cardinals are the team there, but for crying out loud, the Rams are threatening to move and they had stuff everywhere!

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. At least with hate it implies the person gives a crap about your existence. In Nashville, people at least acknowledge the team. In St. Louis, you say Blues and people think you're sad. This isn't just in St. Louis though, I've never heard anyone, anywhere say anything positive about the Blues or their fans.

Got a Rodney Dangerfield complex? Go ahead and buy one of these.

Northwest Division
Calgary Flames
If you love cowboys, weird looking arenas and relocated teams named after the largest disaster in the original city's history, well by god, you should be a Flames fan!

Colorado Avalanche
Want to slap the good people of Quebec City, QC in the face? That's what you do every time you don Avalanche colors. Just a year after moving the Nordiques south to the States, Colorado won the cup.

Take that you French-Canadian bastards. How does that taste? Oh, you're Canadiens fans now? Well, our win is more recent.

This is simple, do you like taking things that aren't yours and taking all the credit for when they succeed? If your answer is yes we can conclude two things:
1) You're a spineless bastard.
2) You're an Avalanche fan.

Edmonton Oilers
A long time ago the Oilers built a powerhouse of a team that included Mark Messier and Wayne Gretzky. This team won 5 Stanley Cups from 1983-1990, including one during the 1989-90 season after they had traded away Gretzky. That's right, they traded him away for what essentially amounted to nothing. Since then, it hasn't been the best of times for the Oilers, but you'll always have the memories.

If you still have a mullet and love listening to AC/DC tapes in your Camaro, then live in the past with the Oilers!

Minnesota Wild
This team is essentially the NHL telling the Twin Cities, "my bad" for letting the North Stars leave. The Wild have experienced spurts of success in their short history, but nothing consistent.

Minnesota currently has my favorite marketing campaign in all of sports. In a state where hockey is almost a religion (still has nothing on Canada), why promote the team, when you can promote the fans? The Wild call themselves a team of 18,000 and use a main marketing campaign called "The State of Hockey." The Wild place a heavy emphasis on their fans and I honestly wish more teams did this.

Here's the question though, can you deal with a nickname and a logo that leave you confused on what exactly is the mascot in exchange for being treated as fan royalty in a hockey-mad state?

Vancouver Canucks
Welcome to the Canadian West Coast. The Canucks recently changed back to older logos which evoked their early years and a color set that I think might be one of the best in the league. The orca still exists as the primary symbol, but it looks a hell of a lot better now as compared to what it was. Also the Canucks have brought Johnny Canuck into their logo set. For those that don't know, Johnny Canuck is the equivalent of Uncle Sam here in the States.

Although I would suggest being a fan of Vancouver just for the sweaters and logos, this is pretty much eye rape.

Pacific Division
Anaheim Ducks
Remember when Disney made all those movies about a youth hockey team called the Mighty Ducks? Well Disney then decided it was a great fucking to name a team after their movie franchise and demanded you refer to them as the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim.

Years later, Disney abandoned their plans to completely wreck hockey and the team fell to new ownership. Thank whatever deity you believe in that they Ducks didn't win the cup until after they had changed their name. Otherwise Lord Stanley would have to deal with Mighty Ducks of Anaheim scrawled across him for quite a while.

If you've got that urge to hold on to childhood, then become a Ducks fan. As long as you don't mind being mocked by the rest of us. Otherwise, grow up and pick a real team.

Dallas Stars
Once there was a team in Minnesota that everyone loved, then they moved to Dallas. Obviously a very logical move.

Despite everything the Stars proved the critics wrong and actually have turned Dallas into a city that enjoys hockey. Hell, they even won a cup coughinthecreasecough.

Not much else to say. Do you like hockey in a place that doesn't get ice? If you like playing God, maybe you should take that big ego and support Dallas. Everything's bigger in Texas, your ego should fit in just fine.

Los Angeles Kings
Who has time anymore to watch a full hockey game? Seriously, be like most Kings' fans, come late, leave early. It's LA, there are better things to do.

They had Gretzky once...convinced yet?

Phoenix Coyotes
Do you have plans for your future or are you just going to let the cards fall as they may? If you're the latter, you seem like a Coyotes' fan in the making! The Yotes currently are in bankruptcy. Apparently hockey just doesn't work in the desert, who would have guessed it?

As soon as the Coyotes get some new ownership, we'll know if they're going to be playing in Arizona, Hamilton, ON or even scenic Kansas City, MO!

No one will accuse you of bandwagoning if you hop on now. C'mon, it's your golden opportunity!

San Jose Sharks
Who cares about the playoffs? The regular season is the only season that matters.

That's the mantra all Sharks' fans must brainwash themselves into believing. If it wasn't for that they might end up like this.

Napoleon said it best, "Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." Regular season glory is better than no glory I suppose.

So that's it. The entire NHL. Pick your team and stick with it. Nobody likes a fair weather fan.

MOAR!

LESS!